X Factor by Numbers

A brief summary of tonight's first live X Factor show, by numbers:

16 Live Acts

15 - Louie Walsh's use of the term, "I/we/they loved it!"

8 Minutes 33 Seconds - the amount of time between the start of the show and the first song of the night

                                 10 BOOS from the live crowd

TOTAL DURATION - 2 hours 30 minutes OF WHICH - 37 minutes and 42 seconds were spent in advert breaks (including the sponsorship videos from Talktalk). 

8 - Total number of advertising breaks

An average of 1 song every 9 minutes and 12seconds 

2 Minutes and 9 Seconds - the length of the first, best and longest advert of the evening: The Yeo Valley singing farmers. 

1 - person to cry

2 - the number of camp cheerleader moments from Louie Walsh

The Acts:

Amelia Lilly - 4/5: Sung like Pink. With Pink hair. In Pink-inspired 'rock chick' gear.

Johnny Robinson - 2/5: Looking like a wet Blade Runner, we can but hope this guilty pleasure will be killed off by tomorrow night.

Rhythmix - 3/5: Representing the 'Ladieez'. Or something.

Franki Cocozza - 2/5: So *huuuu*. Much *huaaaa*. Breathing *huuuuaaa*. Covering a lack of singing talent.

Sophie Habibis - 3/5: The best name of the night for screaming in mock 'X Factor announcement' style. SOPHIE HABIBIS!!! She needs to stay in for this purpose alone.

Jonjo Kerr - 2/5: Did anyone mention he's in the army? Because he's in the army. He's definitely a better soldier than a singer, and I haven't even seen him in a fight.

2 Shoes - 1/5: Essssssssssssssssiiiiiiccccccccccccccccccxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. The performance ran like a bad Shelia's Wheels ad.

James Michael - 1/5: NEVER cover The Beatles. This is also true for Elvis, Bob Dylan, David Bowie, Prince, and other singers of genuine style and talent.

Misha B - 4/5: She "put it down". Whatever the hell that means.

Nu Vibe - 3/5: Despite struggling to master the multitasking act of running, leaning and singing all at once, Nu Vibe were solid.

Marcus Collins - 3/5: Bland. No one will remember him.

The Risk - 4/5: Best band of the competition. But they won't win.

Craig Colton - 2/5: All over the place, despite what the judges said.

Kitty - 3/5: Suitably, she looked like one of the Thunder Cats. A Thunder Cat that's been snorting cat nip. And has just seen the bigger cat from number 34. Utterly nutterly.

Janet Devlin - 5/5: The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. A bold performance of an iconic song. Yay Janet/Diana Vickers the 2nd. 

Possibly the worst X Factor line up for several years. It's a tired machine, which the new judging line up hasn't managed to cure. Yet it's still worth more money than any other commercial TV show made in the UK. Will it die of old age, or will something else kill it off? Or, heaven forbid, will we all find something more purposeful to do with our lives, and discuss politics and current affairs in the office rather than 2 Shoes' make up disaster? Probably not.